what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
