Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
