At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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