so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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