what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
