Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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