just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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