have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need a beard to bite.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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