I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
