im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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