I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
