Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
