so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
