her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
