Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
