umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
