Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
