using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
