what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you had me at cake vodka
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
