Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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