i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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