benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
