Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
