Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
