look no pants
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
