Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
