Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
