Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You ate ashes out of my bong
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
