ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
