The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
