whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
