Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
