I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
