I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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