I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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