If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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