Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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