Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
