By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
