so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
