I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
