Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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