Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
