i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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