i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
