out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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