i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
