She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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