Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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