i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
