I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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