piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
