those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
