Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
